The Lord Mayor is not the Mayor of London

When I was in High School, we were handed blank maps of the United States and told to fill in the state names. I couldn’t do it, nevermind that I had lived in a handful of them already. And don’t get me started on capital names. Once you learn that New York City is not the capital of New York, it’s all downhill. You then realize that California City is probably not the capital of Cali, either. Compound that with the fact that Kansas City is the capital of Missouri, and you see what a mess we have.

England’s land area is 50,000 square miles compared to the US’s nearly 4 million. Considered in the same light, that should be quite manageable. However, the kingdom has divided itself into a number of counties, or shires as they are sometimes known (hey Hobbit fans, do you see what Tolkein did there?). These can be a bit tricky to pin down. As confusing as the vastness of the US is, and even allowing for a handful of mysterious territories and one Washington DC (which stands for District of Columbia (whatever that means (oh, public school system, how you failed me))). But at least we know how many there are. Fifty. Or 51 if we’re counting DC. And some territories that we don’t talk about much. So roughly fifty.

In England, meanwhile, there are (don’t quote me on these numbers; they could be totally wrong) 39 historic counties. These were official for a thousand years or so until sometime in the 1800s when a map of 48 ceremonial counties superseded them, and then in the 1900s by a map of administrative counties, currently numbering 82. That should be simple enough, except that anywhere you stand might be in three different counties depending on how you measure. And don’t get me started on the names of their administrative centers and how those may or may not overlap with their historic seats and their namesake cities. Side note: the Mayor of London is not the same person as the Lord Mayor of the City of London. How do you like that?

Oh, and how about the rest of Great Britain? In 1707, the acts of union incorporated Scotland—sorry Jacobites—and I have no idea how that area factors into the tally. Which reminds me, where is Wales in all of this? Do the 82 counties include the counties of Wales or are those separate? Before or after the introduction of home-rule in the late ’90s? Or are we talking about the whole of the United Kingdom, in which case we need to toss Northern Ireland in the mix? And to be sure we are safe from Cromwell, do we have to go to Hell or Connaught?

Bringing me to the overwhelming question, where am I?!?!

Well, we have been asking ourselves this question for five months, and we still have no clear answer. But we have seen much of Bonnie old England—and Wales and Scotland to boot—and despite my efforts to be witty and flippant, we can only say good things.

“Where are you guys from?”
“We’re from the States.”
Polite British laugh, “Yes, I know. Where in the States?”

We were nervous about coming to the UK amid lockdown. We were uncertain of the welcome that we would or would not receive. We conceded it was opportunistic and possibly selfish to swoop into a country just as it was improving its COVID situation. And though we were deliberately cautious and responsible, we were still nervous and shy.

But from Cornwall to Edinburgh and Tyree to Brighton, we have been welcomed with smiles and open arms—not literal open arms, of course. More like friendly gestures from a couple of meters away and what is almost certainly a smile as presented by a person with the lower half of their face covered. So, let’s say we were welcomed by people with smiling eyes and friendly gestures.

And so, after nearly half a year visiting—watching spring turn to summer and then into autumn—exploring, and coming to appreciate this charming island, we are off. To all of the memorable Brits we had the pleasure to meet, we offer positive, nonverbal, appropriately distanced gestures and twinkling eyes as best as we can manage.

Thank you, thank you, a thousand times, thank you.