In truth, we obsess about parenting.
Obviously, we practice it daily—well, most days, anyway—but beyond that, we study it, theorize about it, discuss it, and write about it. (Did we mention that we wrote a parenting book called Resilience Parenting?) But it’s all for a good reason.
When we upended our boys’ lives and threw them and their backpacks into a car, it would have been a little rash to not stew on whether or not we were ruining their lives.
Many years ago—before my children were old enough to read or understand—I penned my promises to them. These are the promises I plan to keep regardless of which continent should house them.
While I have breath, I will advocate for you and insist that people treat you with the dignity and respect that you deserve.
We can never guarantee how other people will treat our children, and I consider it a terrible mistake to imply that we can, as it will cause them to look to us instead of to themselves. I can, however, guarantee how I will respond. I will advocate for them but without shielding them. The rest I leave in their hands.
So long as I have strength in these two hands, I will protect you with my own flesh.
If someone attacks, I will protect you, but I will also teach you to defend yourself. If a car approaches, I will place myself between you and it, but I will also teach you to be aware. If walking along a cliff, I will set myself closest to danger, but I will also show you how to be safe for when I’m not there.
I promise to never do for you what you can do for yourself.
I firmly believe that the crux of parenting is in the balance—the balance of doing for them and requiring them to do for themselves. We have eighteen years to teach them how to live life without us, and if we are to succeed, it needs to start right now. They aren’t ready yet, so there is still plenty that we need to do for them, but the list of things they do for themselves must grow every day. By doing so, they gain competence and confidence.
There are more promises, of course. But for now, I will leave it there.
Questions
Please comment below…
What promises have you made to your children?
What balancing acts do you find most challenging?
We have those promises ingrained in us culturally as well. And we reinforce them every single day as best we can. We also promise to always be there for them and with them through thick and thin, so that they know we are there always.
Well, not always, but most of the time 😋
We as parents continue to “be there” for our children, but in different ways as they turn into adults. We have told Arthur and Rachel that we will be a resource for them when they have questions about anything – investing, job choices etc. etc. but they also know that there is no “bank of mom and dad.” They have to be independent just as they were raised. Your parenting is awesome and your boys will always make you proud over the years to come.
That’s the balance, right? Being a resource without doing things for them.